Not That Kind of Sutra
by The Third Biker Scholar
Summary: Sango's having back pains, so Kagome offers to teach her something to help. but why is Inuyasha doing it too? and why is Miroku freaking out!
1. Default Chapter

Hi! Inuficcrzy here with a brand new story for the inu gang. I love picking on these people, and I don't' think they laugh anywhere near enough.  
  
Me no own inu, but want very badly. Here, Inu, here boy!  
  
Inuyasha growls very, very loudly.  
  
Um, on second thought......  
  
Not That Kind of Sutra  
  
Chap: Waking up  
  
Sango groaned. She was really beginning to hate getting up in the mornings. The girl rubbed sleep out of her eyes and wearily sat up. She finger-combed the hair out of her face and yawned hugely. That brought to her the delicious scent of breakfast cooking. Miroku was helping Kagome with the fire while Shippou was out gathering some last pieces of wood that they might need. Inuyasha was, as usual, out scouting the path ahead for any demons or traps laid for them. He'd been doing that a lot lately, and all of them were glad for it.  
  
It made Kagome worry though. She knew Inuyasha could take care of himself, but she worried about him going alone. Sango could empathize. After all, it was never a smart idea to go into possibly dangerous situations alone.  
  
But boy did it cut back on the group's fighting. Inuyasha had been catching a lot of things early; giving him a light warm-up and an appetite since most of what he'd been finding were just annoying lower demons. That didn't make it any better for Kagome though. One time he'd caught a bear demon while it was pissed off and had come back with some nasty gashes on his left arm. She'd fussed at him for days, complaining about his lack of common sense. All their bickering had lead Miroku to make the unwise comment about Inuyasha being married and just not knowing it.  
  
Sango could have kicked him right then, and did so later on when they were out of earshot of the other two. That bright little snippet had made both the miko and the hanyou try and ignore each other for days, doing no one any good. Shippou had been ticked off at Miroku too, but for a different reason. When Inuyasha wasn't busy arguing with Kagome, he was picking on Shippou.  
  
The girl winced as she tried to stretch out her arms. By the gods, she was sore. Or rather, she was still sore. She'd been like this for weeks now. (Fighting a massively powerful, massively evil hanyou with some massively creative evil off-spring can wear anyone out, she supposed.) She rolled her neck, hearing this awful grinding noise in the bones. It didn't hurt, but it sure sounded like it should. Maybe if she tried----Sango twisted her upper body around, trying to pop her back.  
  
One half-second later, all she could think was, 'This was such a bad idea.'  
  
Muscle protested all the way down her spine. Some of them began to tighten and cramp, starting a chain reaction. Sango's entire body jerked painfully and she cried out, trying to un-twist. Kagome ran to her side immediately, Miroku not far behind. "What's wrong!?"  
  
"Spasm!" the girl managed to gasp out. "Back spasm-bad one!" It took some effort, but the monk grabbed her arms to slowly pull her back around while Kagome braced her legs. Once they had her straightened out, he urged her to lie back down. Kagome agreed. "You probably shouldn't get up for a while. Stay like this, I'll get you some pain killers. I think I've got some muscle relaxers too in my pack."  
  
"Thanks, Kagome."  
  
"Don't mention it."  
  
Miroku stayed sitting next to Sango as Kagome rooted through her bag. He looked thoughtfully at her before glancing back to the taijiya. "Kagome- sama's method seems a little temporary, doesn't it?"  
  
Sango looked at him with mild curiosity. "What do you mean, houshi-sama?" Gods, she hated talking to him while she was lying down. She had the consistent feeling that he was picturing her naked every time this happened.  
  
"If the muscles have knotted to this painful a degree, you probably need more than simple pain relief."  
  
She raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"  
  
"You most likely require a massage to undo the damage you've done to yourself."  
  
"A massage?"  
  
"Oh, yes. A long, full body massage. Might I offer my----"  
  
"Five words, hentai. Not. A. Chance. In. Hell." She managed to bring Hirakotsu down on his head with a very satisfying thwack.  
  
**&&^^  
  
Here is something very few people do, I've included a list of translations for eh words in Japanese. This way you can learn some of the language in other authors fics.  
  
-sama: when attached to a person's name, it makes it a lord or lady. Like Kagome-sama means Lady Kagome.  
  
Taijiya: demon hunter  
  
Houshi: priest, or monk. In the way I've used it, with the -sama, she's calling him Lord Monk.  
  
Hentai: pervert  
  
Hope you guys like it! Please review. 


	2. Yoga You seek Yoga

It took a while, but I'm back!! Yay! Hope you all like where I'm going with this, the humor starts soon!  
  
Oh, and if anyone can name the movie and character I parodied the chap title from, I'll give you a cookie.  
  
Chap: Yoga. You seek Yoga.  
  
'On the road again, going places I ain't never been–' Kagome hummed to herself. She and the rest of the gang were walking down a forest path, headed to a small village about fifteen miles away that had some rumors of two or three shards. 'Fun, fun for everyone,' Kagome thought with mild sarcasm. At least it was still warm, even for early fall. Many tree leaves were already in flaming colors, and the whole wood smelled and sounded of leaves crunching underfoot.  
  
The miko was walking beside Sango, the better to help in case her muscles started to spasm again, while Miroku walked a few feet ahead of them with Shippou on his shoulder. Normally, the little kitsune loved to ride on Kagome, but she'd asked him to give her and the taijiya some time alone. He'd pouted, but had done as his surrogate mother had asked. Shippou was worried for Sango too. She'd scared him earlier with her cry, and he really hoped Kagome could make her feel better.  
  
Inuyasha was, as usual, up ahead scouting for any demons that might come along. He would always dart back from time to time to keep a watch on them, and just as quickly head up the trail again. Kagome sighed. She knew he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, (being half demon had perks, after all) but she couldn't help it. The girl absolutely hated it when he got hurt.  
  
She also hated it when one of her friends were hurting, and paused to help Sango as the girl winced. "Are you in pain? Is it your back?"  
  
Sango tried to smile, but it came off more as a grimace. "No, the medicene you gave me is still working. I feel fine, for the most part. The muscles are just twinging."  
  
"Um," Kagome hesitated to say anything like this but–"you know, Miroku wasn't far wrong with what he said earlier."  
  
Sango's eyes went huge. "Nani?! Are you insane? I'm not letting that bouzou anywhere near my back–"  
  
"No, no! I meant about what he said right before that! When he said that if you're muscles were cramping that bad, you're going to need more than pain killers. I can help with that too."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Kagome lowered her voice so the houshi couldn't hear. "Here's my idea. I can give you a back massage, and I'll bet I can fix a lot of your cramping with that. But the thing is, its best to catch muscle pain before it ever gets to that point. I can help you there.  
  
"You see, my grandma taught me how to do yoga when I was little, right before she died. Its great for stretching your body and it'll make you much more flexible."  
  
"You think it'll help with this?"  
  
"Sure!"  
  
"Alright, I'll do it," the taijiya nodded confidently to herself. The girls walked on a little longer before Sango asked, "So what's yoga?"  
  
Kagome did an anime fall.  
  
**&&^^^%%  
  
oh man it sucks. Please review!!  
  
Here's the translations!  
  
Miko: priestess, or holy woman  
  
Kitsune: fox spirit  
  
Nani: what?  
  
Bouzou: lecher 


	3. do you want me to do yours?

Someone thought this was funny, so I made more. Sorry it took so long, god, I'm busy....  
  
Chap: Do you want me to do yours?  
  
When they camped for the night, the group was surprised. Inuyasha had found a small hot spring and directed them there, despite the village only being three more miles away. He kept muttering about "stupid wenches and their stupid backs, get some hot water, make 'em shut up....."  
  
Kagome smiled to herself as she and Sango walked to the spring from their campsite. Inuyasha could be very sweet when he thought no one was looking. He even offered to guard them from Miroku while they bathed. (Of course he'd have done that anyway, but it was still nice to here him say it.)  
  
Kagome made sure Sango relaxed as she was in the spring, the better to make her sore muscles loosen up a little. The heat did wonders for them both, soothing away a lot of the tension they'd both been walking around with. Kagome also had the taijiya do some stretches while in the water. After their bath, they toweled off and dressed in what Sango was puzzled to learn were called swim suits. (Kagome let her borrow her yellow and orange striped one, while she used her old floral print bikini.) When she asked why they were called suits, the miko had to say that she didn't know.  
  
"Okay, Sango, are you ready?"  
  
"Just what exactly are you going to do?" the girl asked nervously.  
  
"Well, for the most part, I'm going to try and loosen the muscles by rubbing them. It should get your circulation back to normal. I'm also going to try and pop your back a little, okay?"  
  
"Could you? I've been trying to pop it for weeks and it won't do it for me."  
  
"Your back's probably so wound tight with muscle cramps that it can't anymore," the miko replied, spreading out her sleeping bag. "Okay, lie down here on your stomach and try to get comfortable."  
  
Sango laid out on the ground, shifting so the rocks under the blanket wouldn't dig into her. Kagome smiled a little. "Um, Sango? Relax, I'm not Miroku, you know."  
  
"I know, but this feels very—"  
  
"Personal?"  
  
"Yes, exactly."  
  
"Well, hey! This is between best friends, right?"  
  
Sango smiled before letting down her guard completely. "Yes, between best friends."  
  
Kagome sat down and got to work.  
  
((((&%$#  
  
Inuyasha's ears flicked. He was sitting near the fire, keeping an eye on the houshi with Shippou playing with those coloring books Kagome got for him. His ears flicked again back towards the spring.  
  
The most gods-awful moaning and groaning was going on back there. Shippou had been back there twice to check on them, leading to a scuffle with Miroku. He kept trying to say he was just making sure Shippou didn't get lost going to the water.  
  
Whenever he asked Shippou what the hell they were doing, the little kitsune would just shrug. He didn't understand it either.  
  
A loud cracking sound that even Miroku's human ears picked up sounded out through the clearing. Inuyasha finally shouted, "What in the hell are you wenches doing back there?!"  
  
His ears flicked as he caught Sango's incoherent mumbling, "ah.....mi'.....oohh.....righ'.......there......."  
  
"That's it," he muttered. He stood, shoving some of his unruly hair out of his face, and turned to go see what was wrong. Without turning he said, "Bouzou, if you move one bit from that spot, I will make sashimi out of something you'd miss if it was gone."  
  
Miroku winced and stayed seated.  
  
When the hanyou got to the clearing, he kept one hand over his eyes just in case.  
  
"Kagome?! You decent?!"  
  
"You don't have to shout you know, I can hear you," she replied.  
  
Inuyasha took his hand down and looked at her. Kagome, in her two piece swim suit, was rubbing down Sango's back. Sango only had on Kagome's old one piece swim suit. Kagome was straddling Sango's legs to rub some kind of oil on her.  
  
"You sure about that? With all the moaning and cracking I heard back here, I'm surprised you....can..." his voice faltered.  
  
What he was seeing had registered in his brain.  
  
Inuyasha's eyes went huge, and his face turned bright, bright red.  
  
Kagome and Sango just stared, waiting for him to complete the sentence.  
  
Inuyasha: (blink, blink)  
  
Kagome and Sango: (blink, blink)  
  
"_KUSO!!! WHAT KIND OF ECCHI SHIT IS GOING ON HERE!??! WE'VE GOT A KID AROUND, FOR GODS' SAKE!!"_  
  
"Inuyasha! Its not like that!" Kagome shouted as Sango tried to be an ostrich and hide her head in the ground.  
  
"Then what the hell is it?!"  
  
"I'm just rubbing her back!"  
  
"Without any clothes on!?"  
  
"I've got clothes on!"  
  
"Those three little pieces of cloth?! You've got to be kidding me!"  
  
"It called a bikini, and girls in my time wear them all the time!"  
  
"For what?! Apprenticing in geshia houses?!"  
  
Kagome scowled. "Inuyasha, _OSWARI!!_"  
  
She got up from Sango, whispering, "This'll just take a second, don't worry." The girl walked over to the inu-hanyou, kneeling down so she could talk in his ear. "We're in these clothes so I don't get icy-hot all over Sango's clothes, the stuff smells to high heaven. I didn't want you to say we stink, so we were going to go back into the spring to wash it off. Got a problem with that?"  
  
Inuyasha managed to raise his head off the ground so he was no longer kissing dirt. "No, just with you running around with hardly any clothes on. What if Miroku sees you?!"  
  
"That's what we had you for!" She hissed angrily. "And just where is he now?"  
  
"Shippou's got an eye on him, don't worry," the boy said as he slowly picked himself up. He scowled at the two girls. "Later."  
  
Kagome frowned at his back before noticing—"Inuyasha! Wait!"  
  
"Nani?"  
  
"Do you want me to do your back later on?"

(&%&% this should be getting interesting very soon. Hope you all like it, please review!!  
  
And the definitions are:  
  
Taijiya: demon slayer  
  
Miko: priestess  
  
Houshi: monk  
  
Bouzou: leacher  
  
Sashimi: sliced meat, like sliced ham for sandwiches  
  
Hanyou: literally, half-breed, rude term for it. (can't find the polite word, or I'd use it instead)  
  
Kuso: shit  
  
Ecchi: perverted  
  
Geshia: prosititute, or concubine  
  
Oswari: the Japanese term for sit down. This for it only used for the actual command to a dog to sit down. So that's why in the Manga, Kagome can say sit and not slam Inuyasha, she's using a different word than 'oswari.'  
  
Inu-hanyou: dog half-breed  
  
Nani: what  
  
Guess what guys! I found the definitions for some of the characters names!!  
  
Sango: Coral  
  
Kagome: Harmony  
  
Inuyasha: Dog-demon  
  
Shippou: seven treasures  
  
Naraku: Litterally, the old Japanese word for Hell  
  
Kikyo: Bellflower


	4. Pop and tingle my, what a hentai soundi...

Hello again. Sorry I haven't updated this in a while, found some stories, got a little lost, but I found my muse again. And my god, has she been kicking my ass to get back on my stories!  
  
So here's some more of Not That Kind of Sutra!  
  
(&$ Chap: Pop and tingle (&%$  
  
Inuyasha froze. "Nani?"  
  
Kagome walked up to him, touching his arm to turn him back around. "I've noticed that your muscles are really tense too, almost as bad as Sango's. I can fix that, if you want."  
  
The rather pleasing image of Kagome, in those three pieces of cloth, rubbing his back danced through his head before he got a hold of himself. "No!"  
  
"Hey, you don't have to shout! And why not!?"  
  
"Do you have any idea what that would look like?!"  
  
"Oh, afraid you couldn't keep your hands to yourself?"  
  
"Wh-what?" he sputtered for five whole minutes before finding his tounge again. "N-no! No! I'm not even attracted to a stupid wench like you!"  
  
"Inuyasha....."  
  
He could see the little flames dancing around her, so help him gods. _'Ah, man, here it comes_—'  
  
"Oswari!"  
  
The nenju around his neck glowed pink. **BAM!  
**  
"Grrrr. Stupid wench." He tried pushing himself up with little success. A noise made his ears twitch. He looked up just as Kagome sat down on his lower back. "Ooph. Wench, what are you doing?! Get off of me!"  
  
"No," she said calmly. "Not until I do just one little thing....." She reached out with both hands, and using her fingers, began to massage the thick-as-knotted-rope- muscles of his upper shoulders.  
  
Inuyasha went still when he felt her touch, but then she hit something that was almost sore and then----"Aahh! Whoa!" What felt like a pop in his shoulder had just made his entire left arm get pins and needles. "What the hell was that!?"  
  
"Nice, isn't it?" Sango called out.  
  
"That was me getting rid of a knot," Kagome replied, dusting her hands off as she got up. "That's what I'm doing to Sango. And I'm offering to do you once I'm finished."  
  
Inuyasha eyed her warily as he slowly stood up. He had to use a tree branch to steady himself, as a sudden rush of dizziness made him pause. The boy shook his head to clear it. '_Gods, she really did a number on me._' He glanced over at the tajiya, who was once again receiving care from her friend. No wonder she's making all the noise. He worked his wrist and fingers. His whole arm now felt warmer, like he was getting blood that had been missing for years  
  
Hmm. If just five minutes could do that to him, maybe he should consider it. (the image of a scantily clad Kagome danced through his head again.) He blushed furiously before turning around again. He walked off, saying over his shoulder, "I'll think about. Till then, pipe down, will ya?"  
  
Kagome just rolled her eyes. Men.  
  
"Alright, Sango, now—um, honey, can you move?"  
  
"Mrphl?"  
  
"Yes, come on now, sit up," the miko gradually worked her nearly asleep friend upright. "Okay now, Sango, we'll start with some breathing exercises, then get down to the nitty-gritty. You ready?"  
  
"As....I'll ever be. My gods.....that felt so good...."  
  
"Breathe, Sango, breathe!"  
  
(&%&  
  
Inuyasha checked to be sure the houshi was still by the fire, (and he was, Shippou having finally lost his temper at the monk and putting a stone seal on his hand), and went back to the spring. But this time, he had no intention of being seen by the girls. As he was walking off, Kagome had mentioned something about stretching?  
  
He leapt up a nearby tree branch, silently going from tree to tree. When he reached the clearing, he watched for several minutes before the girls got ready to leave. The hanyou thought to himself for a while. That stuff looked easy. He could do that. Hmmm.  
  
Now if he could just wash that disgusting smell off! When the miko had rubbed his shoulders, she'd gotten some kind of ointment on him. What had Kagome called it? Icy-hot? It reeked!!! He made for the spring after the girls had gone and started to wash his hakama.  
  
9&&%$ please review!  
  
Oh and here's the translations I used.  
  
Nani: what?  
  
Nenju: rosary beads ( I don't think that's quite how it's spelled, if not, I'll fix it later.)  
  
Tajiya: demon hunter/slayer  
  
Miko: priestess  
  
Houshi: Monk  
  
Hanyou: half-breed (impolite way of saying it, also can be used as bastard, in the literal sense)  
  
Hakama: outer jacket of a kimono (wrap) Found some more name translations too!  
  
Keade: maple  
  
Kirara: mica (like the stone that's really pretty and shiny. Often found in gravel driveways)  
  
Koharu: little spring  
  
Kohaku: amber  
  
And I'm begging you guys, please somebody, find out what Miroku's name means!!!! 


	5. What kind of sutra?

Finishing this up soon! Thanks for your patience.

No own the inu!

Chap: What kind of sutra?!

Miroku was now officially intrigued. He watched with a raised eyebrow as Kagome and Sango walked off with one of the miko's small bags to go off by themselves. He glanced over at the kitsune who glared back at him. "So you're to guard me once again to be sure that I leave those two lovely ladies alone, eh, Shippou?"

"You bet, you lecher. I'm not letting you get anywhere near them."

The houshi huffed in disappointment. "You could at least tell me what they're up to. With Inuyasha being gone too, if something were to attack the camp, you and I could be in trouble."

The little fox's tail twitched at that. He'd promised Kagome not to tell, but once the monk put it like that---"They're practicing this sutra thing."

Miroku paused in confusion, frowning. "What kind of sutra?"

"I don't know, she didn't really say. But it makes them do all kinds of stretching and stuff like that."

The man's eyebrows nearly vanished into his hair line. "Stretching?"

"Yeah, I watched them do it once. And it must hurt too, 'cause they keep making all these moaning sounds."

"Moaning sounds?"

"Yep. But they always look really happy when they come back from doing it," Shippou went blithely on.

Miroku's mind was in a whirl. Finally he managed to ask, "And just where did Kagome learn these sutras?"

"Hmm. She said that she learned them when she was about twelve years old, from—I think it was one of her teachers or something?"

"Oh. Thank you, Shippou, for telling me". '_He cannot be serious. I mean, I know they teach it to girls that young, but---but—Kagome?! Kagome-sama knows the'---_

"Say, Miroku, do you know what kind of sutra they're doing? Maybe they'll let you join in, being a monk and all."

"Oh, bliss," he stammered out before he could stop himself. At the young one's confused look, he re-schooled his features to their normal calm mask. "Nothing, Shippou, nothing. I think I might bring it up to them later on."

"O—kay," the kitsune said worriedly. He might have just messed up big time on this one.

((&

The monk finally managed to slip away as the kitsune drifted off to sleep. Sango and Kagome were taking much longer than usual to come back, and part of him seriously was worried. The other, much bigger part of him wanted to confirm his suspicions. '_She can't really be—no, Kagome's not Buddhist. Or Hindu for that matter. How could she know about such a thing? Granted, from the way she talks, sex is much more openly discussed than it is now, but still! Where would her teacher have learned it fro'—_

He stopped still at the sight that he came upon.

Sango, in one of Kagome's 'swim suits', was all over Kagome, who was in these three tiny pieces of cloth. They were bending and flexing in all sorts of ways—

'_Hell, who needs Nirvana when you can see this?_' The blasphemus thought shot across the happy hentai's brain. But he nearly face-faulted when Inuyasha came into the clearing.

Kagome and Sango both untangled themselves and rose as he walked towards them. He stood in front of them, blushing as he removed his outer kimono, muttering something about tension, and could they please help him with it.

Miroku couldn't take anymore! He jumped from his hiding spot, shouting to the trio's stunned looks, "I can't believe this! You'll practice the Kama Sutra with him and not me?!"

(&

For those who don't know, the Kama Sutra is a famous Hindu scroll that in ancient times was normally given to newlyweds on their honeymoon. It was a guidebook for the groom and bride on how to—um, well, how to be sure they'd never need the 'Complete Idiot's Guide to Sex.'

Its still available to read today in some bookstores, not that I'm advertising!


	6. A very happy Inu

Last chap of sutra. All done now!

Chap: a very happy Inu

A very bruised Miroku was know tied upside down from a tree branch. "Now really, Sango, is this necessary? I admit I made a slight assumption, but I had grounds for sincere worry. You were gone a very long time."

"Save it monk," the hunter growled. "I'm never letting you near me again. I might just refuse to talk to you for the rest of my life for this one."

"I had no intention of embarrassing you."

"Yeah right. You thought I was practicing"—she blushed furiously, "_that_ with my best friend, a girl to boot! Then you thought I'd go after Inuyasha like that!" She bent back over her friend where they lay on the ground. "Feeling any better, Inuyasha?"

"Mrpph."

Kagome looked up from his shoulder, still rubbing slow circle into the flesh of his neck tendons. "I think that's a 'keep going.' Let me know when you want to switch positions."

"I don't mind," Sango said as she finished up the hanyou's lower calves. She smoothed her hands lower and began working on the arch of his foot. "I can hardly believe it, but I think his muscles are worse off than mine were." She looked back down at him. "Sure you're doing okay?"

He moaned at the feel of muscles popping all over his foot, and for the first time ever popped the joint of his ankle and his toes. Kagome smiled as she dug slightly harder into one of his many knotted muscles in his upper back. She rubbed some lotion into her hands to make it easier for her to keep moving, and finally felt the tightly wound tendon relax. He groaned in appreciation, ears spasming and his hand twitched of their own accord.

Inuyasha could barely form words. This felt so beyond good. He would never call either of them bitches or wenches ever again. Nothing but terms of the highest respect for these wonderful, beautiful, very talented ladies. With some effort, he found the controls to his tongue and made it function. "I love you both," came the muffled reply. He barely stirred a millimeter from where he lay on the soft blanket, hair tucked off to the side. "I'll marry you right now. Want a kingdom? Pick something out, I'll conquer one you like."

Kagome found a laugh. "You're just happy because we brushed your hair." And had they ever. Kagome had taken out both her brushes and she and Sango had nearly attacked his hair. The unruly stuff had finally been smoothed, curried and combed to perfection, now shining in soft white waves. Sango had loosely twisted it off to the side while Kagome had started to rub the base of his ears. Sango had joined in, living a little fantasy of her own, and found out why Kagome was so obsessed with them. They were so cute and soft!

From somewhere by the tree they heard someone mutter, "Lucky bastard."

"And that we rubbed on your ears," Sango added, leaning up to rub on of the soft triangles. "I had no idea you could do a scalp massage too, Kagome. We should try that out on each other sometime."

"Sounds good to me. Hey, it really is getting late. Inuyasha, sorry, but we have to get up now, okay?"

Inuyasha didn't stir an inch. Move? Blasphemy! "Don' wanna."

"Come on now, up you get. Shippou's bound to be really worried by now." Between the two of them, they managed to haul a nearly comatose hanyou up by his arms and began

the slow process of walking him back to camp.

"Um, ladies, you aren't going to leave me hear, are you?"

Both girls glanced back at the monk, smiling angelically, before walking off.

"Ladies? I really don't' think this is funny. Girls? Sango? Kagome?"

(&&&

Thanks for reading, please review!


End file.
